Mr Effeminate

Whilst at a cultural function a few weeks back, I was enveloped in my happy surroundings and busily emersed in the ceremonious happenings at hand. Who should I look up to find standing a few metres ahead of me but Mr Effeminate. The gentleman in question was someone who I went on a few dates with last year. He was actually the first 'introduction' who I met and thought 'wow...i've found my very own George Clooney!' Well a younger, Indian version anyway...At first sight Mr E was a little on the short side but just gorgeous - chiselled jawline, fair and piercing green eyes. He belonged to my community, lived locally (basically anywhere outside of N.London is too far to move to...!) worked in finance etc etc..perfect on paper. The first time we met I remember thinking yeah he seems really nice. Actually let me rephrase (don't you think 'nice' is jsut the most non-descript blah word?) - he was sweet and funny, engaging enough and quite good to talk to. Before long we established some common ground and we were both running the Nike+ event about a month after the first date. So I went home thinking yeah he seemed great, let's see. So a week later we met for another coffee - met at Baker Street post work and then he did a funny thing. He led us to the same bar we had a drink the previous week - how's that for some variety eh! Again conversation was easy and smooth flowing but something was a little odd. At one point he was talking about ghis trips to NYC for work and how much he loved shopping (should be a good thing) but then he went off on a tangent about how he's always telling his sister to go shopping. The previous week he had said something along those lines after his siter had worn the same outfit on that day of the week as she had on exactly the same day the week before. Ok, the fact that he takes an interest in his sister's style is good but it sruck me as slightly unhinging that he would remember that level of detail! A few other such mentions made me wonder if he was just a little too in touch with his feminine side - I love a man to have a variety of sensibilities but after the mention of his sister's wardrobe and his love of cooking and how him and his mum would talk about how life was so difficult when you got married and came home to deal with the cooking and laundry and food shopping etc, accompaniesdby his funny girlie giggle...I just thought hmm something is just not quite right! After that, I heard from him again to say he's off on business for few weeks and will get in touch...eventually the contact fizzled and when I mentioned to my mum what I had been thinking, she actually surprised me. I would have expected the whole 'You are far too harsh blah blah...) but she simply said that my aunt had said that someone else who'd been on a date said the same thing! I was relieved but almost felt sad at the same time. It made me wonder if some of the people engaging in the introduction process simply do so to satisfy pushy parents and are stifling their own wishes and orientations...Safe to say I feel lucky that even though I whinge about having to meet some of these 'randoms' I am equipped with the knowledge that my parents are two of the kindest and most intuitive people around and would never force me to go through something I did not want or force me into a corner that I really did not want to be lost in...

The Eager Beaver Palm Reader

So often a talking point when on the phone or on a date with a prospective date is 'have you had any nightmare date experiences?' Well, having been on a few of these introductions, there are a couple that stand out. Let's begin with 'Mr Palm Reader'/Eager Beaver. So we had spoken once or twice on the phone and he seemed fairly easy to talk to. Fast forward to the day of our coffee date - said seemingly normal boy turned into a serial texter. I had about 5 or 6 messages asking me for the location of the coffee house we were meeting at including a request for where exactly it was situated on the road and the post code. By this stage I was losing patience and thinking to myself 'HELLO?! Why on earth do you think google was created?! DIY MR' Anyhoo, the kind and tolerant girl that I am, I was perfectly diplomatic in my replies and eventually made my way to meet him. I entered the cafe and there he was...(Did I mention that he had asked what colour top I would be wearing and told me the colour of his shirt. Again, typically I would have guffawed at this - I mean we're in a cafe with the potential for maybe a max of another 10/15 people already there, how hard can it be to pick up your phone if you're unsure of who you're looking for?!)

Anyway, back to the story at hand. My first impression - a bit of a teddy bear, smily, short and of generous proportions. We sat down and chatted, nothing really wrong with him but nothing particularly engaging either. He basically just seemed a little bit square. Just when topics of conversation were thinning out, he grabbed my hand and confessed that he could read palms and proceeded to read mine. I am a total sceptic when it comes to things like this but I didn't think that this was the time to be reeling off my usual schpeil about those morons who let these random self appointed nobody's play on innocent and gullable peoples' vulnerability and line their pockets in the process. Good idea.

According to him I was destined to meet the love of my life at 27 (damn I was 25 at the time), have 3 children (this I actually agreed with), had had two very complicated situations to date (umm questionable...). Anyways far from being hugely cringeworthy it was actually the high point of our 45minute date!

So once we had said our goodbyes, engages in one of those do I have to or am I ok to avoid goodbye hugs, I was picked up and taken for a much needed scoop of ice cream afterwards (ice cream is sometimes the only therapy one needs). Low and behold just 20 minutes later, who do I have a text from (a 3 page text at that). His message went along this lines 'Hi, it was nice to meet you. So what did you think? Don't worry you can be honest, I won't be offended...' As for my reaction 'OH-MY-GOD' (The funniest thing is when you tell your elder family members about fruit loops like him, they turn it on you saying boys become like this as a reaction to girls who never get back to them etc etc...HOW ON EARTH DID HE BECOME THE VICTIM AND ME THE ACCUSED?! Give us girls a fair chance already!)

I know I've been told in the past that I can be keen but 20 minutes?! Blimey...Safe to say I waited till bed time about 5 hours later and sent a diplomatic 'Nice to meet but think we're quite different...happy to stay friends' You get my gist - it was something along those lines. And that, my friends was the end of that!

...NEXT!

Life Partner or Loser?

Hello reader!

A few days back, after listening to a ridiculous voicemail left for me by an unknown entity, my reaction could have gone one of two ways: scenario one involved screaming and muttering a few expletives or scenario two which involved taking a deep breath and laughing…laughing at the rather comic and surreal scenario in which I found myself. Right, I am guessing I have already lost you. Forgive me and allow me to explain myself. Said voicemail had been from an eligible bachelor who had ascertained my details through his mother and was calling to speak to me as he heard I was looking for a ‘life partner.’ Ok, whilst you choke/laugh uncontrollably or are simply forced to do a double take of what you have just read, I assure you that is exactly what happened. So after this little incident, I had this brain wave to set up an outlet for my funny experiences and decided the only form of therapy that I wished to indulge in was to put into writing the sea of thoughts that seemed to be overflowing and entertain people with some of my silly stories. I have been known to suffer from bouts of verbal diarrhoea and this way, there is noone to roll their eyes at yet another one of my date stories or tell me to stop whingeing because I am apparently ‘‘very lucky that people seem to be setting me up on dates left, right and centre.’’

Allow me set the scene. I’m a mid twenty something Indian girl living in the UK and undergoing the weird and occasionally wonderful introduction process – suddenly my marital status is the most exciting thing about me – forget the other fabulous things going on in my life, be they sporting achievements, my latest inspired interest, holiday plans, the newest yoga pose I have managed to monkey my way into…all people seem to be interested in is why I remain single and why and how I am not a part of the engagement whirlwind that has taken off in all directions since the beginning of the year! The ‘introboat’ as one of my lovely friends has coined it, that I am well and truly aboard, seems to be the object of perennial mystification and great interest to both my non Indian and paired up Indian friends who haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing such a set up. To this end, I’ve decided to start this blog to unveil the intricacies of the process, something I’m sure plenty of other mid twenty year old Indian girls and boys are going through…and quash the weird and wonderful plethora of ideas that still fly around me – of course whilst trying to maintain my sanity in the process! Watch the space...